


If you strike me down I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine

by KTapering



Series: Death, yet the Force [1]
Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, Angst, Fix-It of Sorts, Force Ghost Anakin Skywalker, Gen, Grief/Mourning, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Jedi Culture & Tradition (Star Wars), Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Owen Lars Needs a Hug, Room of a Thousand Fountains (Star Wars), Self-Blame, Sorry Not Sorry, Tragedy, no beta we die like Jedi, spoilers in the tags, you have been warned about spoilers....
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:34:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27042799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KTapering/pseuds/KTapering
Summary: The duel against Dooku at the end of Attack of the Clones has different repercussions. Devastated, the survivor will have to navigate life without the other and survive a war, all while keeping an impossible promise.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker
Series: Death, yet the Force [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1973719
Comments: 21
Kudos: 66
Collections: New SW Canon Server Works





	1. Qui-Gon's Promise

**Author's Note:**

> I want to thank the New SW Canon discord for motivating me to write and my sister, for enduring my rants about Star Wars.
> 
> Thanks to The high ground (stay) and Darth Psychedelia for helping me come up with ideas, and to Hondo, dealing angst, and Backwardpoet for help figuring out the nature of puncture wounds.
> 
> And thanks to @loosingletters for help in figuring out the Dai Bendu phrase for a special goodbye.

Anakin shouldn’t have even been here.

Obi-Wan had given him strict instructions to protect Senator Amidala, not to bring her to a coliseum to be executed. Obi-Wan had spent the majority of ten years trying, and failing, to teach Anakin not to be reckless. Obi-Wan was the adult, the Master, the thirty-five-year-old, not the imprudent nineteen-year-old teenage Padawan. He should lead by example, not jump at droids from windows and go on solo spy missions. How many times had Obi-Wan said they worked better as a team?

The chase after Dooku had been stressful. Having to not only chase after his Grandmaster turned traitor but calm his Padawan from jumping after Padmé. It would have been better if Anakin had jumped, at least then he would be safe, he would not be on the floor after being electrocuted to the point of unconsciousness. But he needed the help. Dooku has always been an exceptional dueler. He couldn’t confront him alone. If they got out of this alive, he will drill on Anakin the importance of teamwork. He had said that if they catch Dooku they could end the war early, at its very start, but it looked like it would be Dooku who would end them.

“Master Kenobi, you disappoint me.” Had Master, no, Count Dooku always sounded so condescending? Obi-Wan still couldn’t understand what had urged Count Dooku to affiliate himself with the monster that had spawned Master Qui-Gon’s killer. “Yoda holds you in such high esteem.” Did Master Yoda and Dooku talk about him over tea after he left the Jedi Order? He used to take tea with Master Dooku. He still remembers afternoons filled with tea and biscuits talking about literature and their favorite holodramas. How could the man before him be the same that complained about Qui-Gon’s obsession with plants fondly? Dooku had never been the warmest grandmaster, but he had always had fond memories of the man.

“Surely you can do better!” _Oh yes, when I am not sleep deprived thanks to your ridiculous assassin droids_. Obi-Wan renewed his attacks with vigor. He used the Force to enhance his strikes and ignored the tiredness on his muscles.

He just needed to last a little longer until Master Yoda arrived and then he could go and check on Anakin. He could sense on the force that he was in pain after the force lightning, and barely conscious, but at least Dooku’s focus was not on him and he could feel Master Yoda approaching from afar. Just one more strike and a little more of footwork and he could extend the duel until reinforcements arrived. Then, Dooku would be apprehended, the war would be averted and he could finish training his Padawan to take his trials.

Anakin was almost ready for Knighthood. Since the beginning of his apprenticeship, it was evident that he advanced at a more accelerated rate. Sometimes he had to go to the archives to find new techniques because Anakin simply devoured the knowledge. If one did not know Anakin, one would think that he didn’t like to study, but the truth was that he secretly loved to learn. Why did Anakin felt the need to hide his love for knowledge was beyond him. Well, not that beyond him, he had seen how some of the other padawans gave a hard time to his Padawan, and even though he shouldn’t do it, he sometimes indulged Anakin on the more difficult days with dinner at Dex’s.

He should concentrate in the here and now and dodge that poke. _Come on Kenobi, now is NOT the time to reminisce on your teaching problems, Anakin is counting on you to get him out of this alive_. He _had_ told Anakin to go slowly on the left! This was getting ridiculous.

And then that is when it happens: he gets burned in the arm and then his leg. _So much for getting us out of this alive then_. Time slows down a little between the burn on his leg and the ground, between heartbeats and involuntary shouts. His thoughts go to Anakin. _Is this how is going to be? A macabre tradition in our lineage in which the Master leaves the Padawan because a Sith Lord killed them?_ He can only think of how Anakin is not even aware of his surroundings, how he is vulnerable too, and that once Dooku strikes him down, he will go and do the same to Anakin.

Admittedly, he was tired and his form was getting sloppy. Between strikes, he had had the sensation that Dooku was humoring him. Like a predator toying with his food. Blue clashed against red and red tried to injure him, because if something was obvious, it was that Dooku did not intend to kill him. He had had various openings, but he never used the opportunity. He had been wrong, Tyranus had been playing with his food, but that did not meant he did not intend to eat it. Will he toy with Anakin too, or would he be granted a swift death? _Don’t be ridiculous, your Padawan will be fine, and he always is, even if you are not there for him right now._ All this passed for his mind as Dooku raised his lightsaber to strike, finally tired of playing.

And then time speeds up again when he is saved by his Padawan.

“Brave of you, boy.” Anakin had blocked the red that would have ended his life. _Well, now their fate is in his Padawan’s hands_. Obi-Wan hoped this didn’t ended like that other mission when Anakin was twelve and he got kidnaped. That surely would end well. _Hello Masters, I’ve misplaced my Padawan. No, I did not lost him, Dooku took him from me because I was resting on the floor._ And now that was the pain talking. “But I would have thought you had learned your lesson.” He concentrated on his lightsaber instead of his pain and moved it towards him. Honestly, if he didn’t know any better, he would say he was tired. Which he wasn’t, he had just been in a battle to the death against impossible odds and who was he kidding, he was exhausted.

“I am a slow learner”. The _look_ Anakin gave Dooku implied that he thought him dense. _Honestly Anakin, why do you have the worst comebacks?_ “Anakin!” Obi-wan threw his lightsaber at his Padawan, in the hopes of giving him every advantage possible. They had been lately focused on Jar’Kai and had planned a trip to Ilum to get another lightsaber for Anakin. _I just hope that having two lightsabers doesn’t encourage Anakin’s tendency to lose them_. He was very proud of how far his Padawan had come. From a little boy that insisted on asking to drive the speeder even if he could barely reach the controls, to a taller-than-him teenager-almost-adult that even if he still didn’t fill his Jedi robes, he filled his role as a Jedi. He may not be the calmest of padawans, but he had enough compassion to temper that. Yes, he may be prone to fits of temper, but with time will come maturity, he supposed.

Obi-Wan tried to refocus on the battle. Anakin was faring better than him. Of course, he hadn’t had to be constantly on edge because he was been chased by his grandmaster’s evil droids. No, that was not fair. Protecting Senator Amidala could be exhausting too, he still remembered the Trade Federation blockade. And if he remembered correctly, he had been in Tatooine. _What the kark was Anakin doing on Tatooine? I told him not to put the senator in danger and what did he do? Go to the more criminal infested planet in the galaxy. What was so important that…his mother…Oh no_. Obi-Wan suddenly recalled that Anakin had been having nightmares about his mother.

He hoped she was alright, he still felt guilty for leaving her like that, and he hadn’t even met her, but anyone who could raise Anakin had his respect and admiration. He had asked a few favors with some friends to locate Anakin’s mother through the years but they were fruitless, like she had disappeared or been disappeared. Anakin had come to him with concerns about nightmares about his mother, and he had tried to soothe that fear, they could do nothing to help her and so he had told him that dreams pass in time. It was a banthashit answer and they both knew it, but his padawan looked so tired that he just wanted to calm him so he could rest. Anakin was sleep-deprived and, even so, he was protecting him like he had infinite energy. _Youth…_

Oh yes, the battle. And with clarity, came the pain. He gritted his teeth as a wave of pain and darkness came over him. The darkness stank like a garbage chute and made him feel worse. How a Dark Force user could stand the feeling let alone revel on it was beyond him. _And there goes another lightsaber…_ thought Obi-Wan as he saw Anakin’s weapon be destroyed by Dooku. They continued, nerveless, to battle each other, cutting off the light as they went. _And now I can’t see them. Come on, Kenobi, get up! Your Padawan needs you!_ But the pain was too great and even if he had not been exhausted, the earlier torture and battle had taken his toll on him.

_Is going to be alright, Master Yoda is approaching._ If Anakin lasted a little more Master Yoda would be able to help them. He could sense him, his light chasing away the stench of the dark side. Just a few more minutes and everything would be alright.

The battle continued. They looked like two scorpions threatening each other, with their lightsabers raised to attack. It was like watching a dance, a macabre one, one in which he was the reluctant audience. He had a bad feeling about this. It made him remember another battle, with similar conditions. One Sith vs two Jedi, one down and the other stalling for time until help could arrive.

Some sparks from loose wires gave him enough light to see and he could make their faces illuminated by their lightsabers. He could sense that Master Yoda was almost here. _Just one more minute Padawan._ He sent reassurance and fortitude through their bond. _Just one more minute and we both can rest._

They began to circle each other, going in circles and hitting their lightsabers faster and faster, as if they too could sense the end of the duel. _Of course they can, Master Yoda is so close I can almost hear his gimer stick against the ground._

More circles and strikes.

Anakin began to move faster, favoring offense rather than defense.

Circle. Strike. Hit.

Circle. Strike. Hit.

Obi-wan began to feel hope. Master Yoda had arrived, he could feel him just a few steps from the door of the hanger, and any minute now this war would end before it even properly started.

He turned his face towards the duel just in time to assure himself that this one was the last circle-strike-hit before Master Yoda could take over. Anakin then would join forces with Master Yoda and the two together would surely end this and go home.

The last circle-strike-hit begins, but then.

Dooku impales Anakin.

_No!_

Tyranus impaled his Padawan!

“NO!”

Obi-Wan felt helpless as Anakin cried in pain. Tyranus force pushed him towards Obi-Wan, and he hurried to try and steady him as best as he could. _NO! No, no no nononononononoNO! Not again, please._ He cradled his Padawan, putting his head on his lap, ignoring his own pain, and began to assess the damage. Anakin was still breathing but with much difficulty. The injury had punctured below his ribs, in the same spot as… _No, don’t think that._ “…Mst’r…” He was losing consciousness and looking paler by the second. “Hang in there Anakin, stay awake, I sense Master Yoda approaching. Everything will be fine”. Everything _will_ be fine.

“Master Yoda” So Tyranus was still here. Good. Master Yoda would be able to detain him and they would get Anakin medical attention.

“Count Dooku” Why was Master Yoda bothering with pleasantries? Couldn’t he sense that time was of the essence?

“You have interfered with our affairs for the last time” Damn the bastard. He didn’t need to be dramatic all the time. He tuned them out after that. He had more important things to focus on.

“Anakin, stay awake. I’ll get you medical attention but I need you to stay conscious.” Why did he have to lose his robe, it would be useful to have it right now. His tunic, yes that will work. He took off his outer tunic ignoring his own pain and enveloped Anakin as best as he could. Anakin was blinking more slowly. “What were you doing on Tatooine? Did you find your mother? If you didn’t we can go look together for her after this”. He needed to make him talk, that would keep him awake. He then noticed the bleeding. _Why is he bleeding? It was a lightsaber wound._ He then, unfortunately, remembers health class and that you had very important things in your abdomen. He started to staunch the bleeding. If only he could stop the hemorrhage on time…

“S alr’ght mast’r…” He was slurring more his words now and his presence in the force was fading. Obi-Wan could feel Anakin’s light dim little by little through their bond and his face was more and more white. Anakin took a sudden gulp of air to whisper. “…I’ll be w’th h’r soon…” Obi-Wan looked at Anakin with confusion. _What does he meant by that?_ He gave Obi-Wan a sad smile, as if he too could feel his light go out slowly, maybe he could. _No, stop Obi-Wan_. Anakin was strong, he will e fine. “…Promise me…pr’mise me that –“

“No, please Anakin. Don’t make me take promises. Everything would be fine, is not necessary.” He didn’t want to have to live through this again, _please_. A loved one on his arms, dying, making him promise something with their last breath. His eyes got blurry and tears started to fall from his eyes and on his Padawan’s face. “Save your strength, help is on the way.” _Is help on the way?_ Surely Master Yoda brought troops with him? They surely had a medic. ”Everything will be fine my dear Padawan. You will recuperate, and then you yourself would be able to fulfill your promise”. Anakin’s eyes, blue, so blue you could see the sky for which he was named after, look so sad at that moment as if he knew some truth that didn’t want to tell him.

“Mst’r…pl’s…” Anakin took a shuddering breath, he must be in great pain. _Where were the kriffing medics?!_ ”Promise…me…that…” It would be a promise about protecting Senator Amidala, or finding his mother. His mother what would he tell her? Anakin continued with talking with every painful breath “…that…you…won’t blame…yourself”. _What does he mean by that? Don’t blame myself? It’s my duty to protect him and I failed!_ “…P’ls” Obi-Wan could only shake his head.

He didn’t understand. This was not real. Why would Anakin waste precious energy on making a promise to don’t blame himself? It didn’t make sense! “Anakin…” he didn’t _know_ what to say to that. _Is surely the blood loss talking, once he is better we will laugh about this_. But Anakin only continued to look at him with eyes that were losing their spark and trying to reach through a bond that was becoming thinner and thinner.

“…please…you are…” Anakin took what could be a breath, but it was becoming difficult to negate that he was nearing the end. “…my brother”. With that last word, he closed his eyes, and Obi-Wan felt his light go. The bond that had unite them for ten years, ten wonderful years, was lost. Cut forever, so his Padawan, his little brother, could go be one with the force.

He hugged Anakin to his chest. He knew. He _knew_ that Anakin was not here anymore, that he had become one with the force, but, if just for a moment, he could fool himself into thinking, remembering, a time when Anakin was just peacefully sleeping, hugging him tight because he had a nightmare. When he had saved his little brother from monsters and had promised to be there always. _And I failed. I am sorry, Padawan. I am sorry I could not protect you this time_.

He almost forgot about his surroundings, letting himself feel, if just this time, the full force of his emotions. But then a voice, a voice that once had given him comfort and advice, and that now was the voice of a monster, reached his ears. “This is just the beginning!” He felt furious. That monster had robbed Anakin of his life, he had cut it without mercy and he dared to proclaim that this was just the beginning?! But his thoughts were interrupted by the metal column that threatened to fall over him. He instinctively curled over his Padawan, even though he was no longer there, as Master Yoda saved them and Tyranus escaped.

The rest was more or less a blur. He could recall that Master Yoda had approached him. That he too mourned the loss of life. You could see it in his downed ears and the defeat in his posture. Not only had Tyranus escaped, but he had also started a galactic war that already had claimed countless lives. Some young, like his Padawan’s, some old like Master Ki-Ek Sirch’s. But all of them robbed of the spark that was life.

The reinforcements arrived to the hanger too late. ~~Dooku~~ Tyranus had escaped to who knows where and it was too late for Anakin. Far too late. He remembered Padmé kneeling before him, crying Anakin’s name and embracing him, trying to be together in their sorrow. A clone medic had tried to take Anakin’s body away, but Obi-Wan had insisted on going with him. He didn’t want him to be alone, not again. Did Anakin felt scared, in his last moments? Did he know that saving Obi-Wan’s life meant forfeiting his own? He suddenly felt tired, the stress of the last days (had it really been only a few days?) catching up with him and he lost consciousness still in Padmé’s arms.

* * *

When Obi-Wan woke up, for a moment he could not place his surroundings, but then he recognized that off-putting color on the walls. Ah. He was in the Halls of Healing in the Jedi Temple on Coruscant. Memories resurfaced and he doubled over, crying. He didn’t want to remember. Anakin, the boy he had raised since he was a little boy that barely reached his waist, was gone.

He took a shuddering breath and when he looks to the left to the nightstand, he started crying again. There, on the furniture, where the remains of Anakin’s lightsaber. _This lightsaber is your life_. How ironically accurate then, that Anakin’s was broken, while his was intact. It didn’t matter, his heart was broken. He took the pieces of the lightsaber and brought them to his chest, and he went again to sleep, to a realm where Anakin still existed.

* * *

On the other side of the Temple, on the Council Chambers, Master Mace Windu and Master Yoda discussed the outcome of the battle and their next steps. Master Windu contemplated the setting sun that illuminated the troops boarding their ships to part for the war. “I admit, that without the help of the troops, we could not have won the battle. But the cost was too high.” He could still remember the devastation on the battlefield, the head of Jango Fett and the scared presence of a child, the lifeless bodies of clones and Jedi alike, stars that had had their light wiped out. Some of their Jedi recuperating in the Halls of Healing, but their recovery will have to be cut short, for war had started.

Yoda hummed. He too could see the same as Windu. The war had come to the galaxy, and the Dark Side of the force had never felt so strong, while the light so small. “Concerned for Master Kenobi, I am. Losing a Padawan, hard can be” How true was that statement. Dooku had been his padawan, he had raised him, dried his tears, laughed with him. Just a few months ago he had talked by holocall with him! Was he by then a Sith? Had Dooku became Tyranus just recently, or just after his departure from the Jedi Order? “Not fit for battle, he is now. Rest, he should.” But, did they had the luxury of letting their members rest? Time was of the essence, and although it would be healthy to let their Knights and Masters rest, the war was a jealous beast and would not let them.

“I agree, he should rest. But we don’t have much time anymore. The Republic needed us as defenders of the peace, and now as Generals to reestablish that peace. We are not soldiers, but we will have to be.” It was concerning that he had to even give that speech, but Mace was a pragmatist, they have to be what was more beneficial to the Republic, even if it meant sacrifice from their part. He didn’t want to sound callous, but there was something that had been bothering him since his return to Coruscant. “Skywalker’s death is lamentable. He was still too young for this and his death should impact the currents of the Force as the Chosen One.” Well, one could not say that tact was one of his fortes, at least he was talking with Master Yoda and not in front of Kenobi. He would have punched him in the face. ”But the shatterpoints that surrounded him have not changed, I still can sense them. What does that mean for the prophecy? For the future of the Jedi and the balance in the Force?” There, he had shown his concerns. The shatterpoints should have disappeared when Skywalker died, or changed place, but they hadn’t changed. It was like his fate still was set, which was not possible.

“Hrmm, the future always in motion is. Set in stone it is not.” Yoda knew that although Anakin died, his destiny was still somehow entwined with Obi-Wan’s. They couldn’t trust everything in prediction. Not only it was a foolish endeavor, but they could lose sight of the present. “Prophecies can be misread. Have another meaning, it could. “

Mace supposed that the prophecy may have been talking about someone else, not necessarily Anakin, but that still did not explain the shatterpoints. Only time would tell. “Then Anakin may have not been the Chosen One. Still, his death is a heavy loss for the Order, he had great promise, even with his temper.” Mace was not the number one advocate of the boy (for he had been still a boy), but he could recognize that he showed potential to become more than the unruly child that he started as. Now they could only speculate. “This war has already cost us too much. The interference of the Sith in political matters do not paint a good picture. And with Dooku on their side, it is possible they are aware of the interpretation of the prophecy that we have. They may have planned this outcome, to demoralize us.” Many of the Order believed that Anakin Skywalker was the Chosen One. The council had tried to not spread around their interpretation of the prophecy, but like with every secret, it became part of the gossip of padawans and eventually, every other Jedi. The loss of the Chosen One will be a heavy hit on the morale of the Order. They hadn’t disclosed that information, but Anakin’s friends already knew and no doubt others will notice. It was difficult not to notice when a supernova was suddenly gone.

”Know not, the plans of the Sith we may. But know that their game this is, we do. The shroud of the Dark Side has fallen. Begun the clone war has.”

Outside, thousands and thousands of clones prepared to fight and sacrifice their lives for a Republic they didn’t know, commanded by people they didn’t know but were prepared to die for.

* * *

Aayla had run as fast as she could to the Halls of Healing when she arrived at the Temple. She had felt Anakin pass away on Geonosis, and knew that where Anakin was, his Master was too. She couldn’t approach them on Geonosis, the battle had not let her first, and then Obi-Wan was being carried away unconscious. She had then escorted Senator Amidala, whose participation in the battle had been of great help, back to Naboo.

The Senator had been distraught, and Aayla could not blame her. The battle had been hard even if it had been won. Besides, she knew that the Senator and Anakin had become friends in the short amount of time they had reconnected. Maybe more, if she remembered those games of truth or dare where Anakin would wax poetic about his dear Senator. How Aayla liked to tease him about it. Now, it only left a bitter taste on her mouth, Anakin’s dreams (even against the Code as they were but come on, they were young and padawans still, they had some leeway until they became Knights), would never happen.

When they arrived to Naboo and the Senator was once again safe (or as safe as she could be, considering past events), Aayla was once again preparing to leave, but the Senator stopped her. “I want you to give this to Master Kenobi, I am afraid he leave it behind after he lost consciousness.” Senator Amidala then placed the broken pieces of something in her hands and parted on her way home. Anakin’s lightsaber. She took them carefully like they were fragile dry flowers. The kyber crystal felt sad, empty, knowing that his companion was dead.

Aayla arrived at the Halls of Healing to hear her Master discuss with Master Che. “…se Vokara, I need to see he is alright after what happened, just five minutes!” “Absolutely not Quinlan Vos! And do not call me Vokara, Master Che is fine.”

Aayla decided to interrupt them or they would never end to discuss. “Masters” she made a reverence “I have come from escorting Senator Amidala to Naboo, she asked me to give a message to Master Kenobi, may I see him?”

“Master Vos, this is how you address a request.”

“Master Che…!”

Master Che interrupts him “I am sorry Padawan Secura, but how I was explaining to your Master, Knight Kenobi is resting.”

“I won’t wake him up, I just need to give him this” and she showed them the pieces of what very well could be Obi-Wan’s heart. “Senator Amidala recovered them after Master Kenobi was taken away.” She didn’t need to say more, with a simple gesture, Master Che let her past and Quinlan stopped arguing, he too could see that this was important.

She took in her surroundings, the room was identical to every other room on the Halls of Healing, but the emotions that radiated from Obi-Wan, even unconscious, made her feel as if she were entering a private place. She took a moment alone to feel too. Anakin is, was, her best friend. A galaxy where he wasn’t there to laugh with her, to tease and be teased about crushes and silly things, made it feel colder. She had become accustomed to his presence even from afar. He was strong in the force, but what really made his presence difficult to miss, was his love for life, his happiness, even his temper. Her eyes grew misty and she decided to leave before she disturbed Obi-Wan’s rest. She let the pieces of Anakin’s lightsaber on the nightstand, feeling it one last time, and left. She would never feel the kyber crystal within, not spar against it again.

* * *

Obi-Wan remained in the Halls of Healing two more days, with a brief permission to attend his Padawan’s funeral. The funeral had not been just to Anakin, but to every Jedi and clone trooper that had died the battle of Geonosis. He clung to the remaining pieces of Anakin’s lightsaber. Obi-Wan did not intend to keep it, no matter how much he wanted a piece of his little brother back he knew it wasn’t right. _His mother has the right to know what happened to the child she trusted in us to keep safe_.

And with permission from the council, on the grounds that Anakin’s mother had the right to know what happened to her son after leaving her, and that talking with her and giving her the last remains of her son, will help him to have closure too, to let go. _If only it was that simple_. The council gave its permission for him to search Shmi Skywalker and give her the lightsaber. _Of course, they give permission now that Anakin is not here to enjoy it. No, stop Kenobi, these thoughts are unbefitting of a Jedi_. He packed a bag and climbed aboard his starfighter, establishing the course to Tatooine, and was preparing to leave when his comlink went off. “Kenobi, here.” He answered in the curtest of tones, hoping to discourage whoever was calling.

“I am sorry to interrupt, Master Kenobi, but I was hoping to talk to you in my office.” The voice of the Chancellor spoke. Obi-Wan felt like an idiot, he had disrespected the Chancellor!

“My sincere apologies, Chancellor. I am afraid I am unavailable to meet with you in this moment. I…” What was he thinking, refusing the Chancellor? But then he remembered that Anakin had been a friend of the Chancellor. “I was on my way to Tatooine, to talk with Anakin’s mother.” A knot formed in his throat at his words and his eyes grew misty. _Stop, Kenobi, don’t cry in a call with the Chancellor, be dignified_.

“I understand Master Kenobi, I too feel your loss.” The Chancellor’s voice grew sad. “He was always a great friend to me, and his advice, even if it were the advice of someone young, had always been very helpful. It would be a disservice to his friendship if I didn’t try and give you the same policy I always gave him: If you ever need a friend to talk, my door is always open.”

Obi-Wan wanted to say no, but he was tired of the same answer everyone gave him. _Be at peace, for he is one with the Force now. He was a remarkable young man, he would be happy you are safe. There is no death, there is the Force._ He _hate_ it! No one got it. It was his fault Anakin was dead! He was supposed to protect him, train him as he promised Qui-Gon. He couldn’t fulfill any promises. He couldn’t fulfill Qui-Gon’s, and he sure won’t be able to keep Anakin’s. It was his fault, after all, it was pointless to try and don’t blame himself.

“I think that I would like that very much, Chancellor. Do you have time for a cup of tea in a few days, when I return from Tatooine?” Obi-Wan honestly didn’t know if he should dispose of the Chancellor’s time on a time like this, but he needed someone that really knew Anakin. Aayla was his best friend, but she and Quinlan had already departed to a campaign after the memorial; Padmé, although the not so secret object of Anakin’s infatuations, did not know him for long. Anakin had not had many friends, but those that had been privy to that privilege had known his true self. The Chancellor had been one of those friends, and it would be comforting to talk to someone that knew Anakin.

“My dear boy, I will always have time for a friend of Anakin’s.”

* * *

Locating Shmi Skywalker had not been as difficult as he thought it would. Some inquiries on a bar and he had been given the direction of the Lars Farm. The suns were starting to get a little low as he stood in front of the door, ready to knock when a gruff young man in his early twenties opened it. “Can I help you?” He had brown hair and blue eyes and looked a little dirty from grease stains and sand stuck on his skin. To be fair, sand stuck on his skin too.

“Yes, I am Master Obi-Wan Kenobi. I am searching for Shmi Skywalker, is she here?” As he said these words, the man’s face changed into a scowl.

“No, she is not here. Ten years you people have not contacted her and suddenly you come? What is going on?” He had not said his name, but Obi-Wan did not point it out. He was exhausted, and frankly, someone as honest as this man was refreshing, even if a little rude. As they made their way downstairs into the farm, he introduced himself. “I am Owen Lars, by the way.” He then directs him to the dining room and served him a glass of blue milk. He sat in front of Obi-Wan with a similar glass and started talking again. “My father was Shmi’s husband, he freed her after he bought her from slavery and then they married. She waited for ten long years for a holocall that never came, and every day she talked about Anakin, and how he had gone with one of you to become a Jedi.” He made a pause to take a gulp of milk and then continued. “And now you came, alone, after Anakin arrived and left days ago and found out our mother was dead. Something is going on.” Owen fixed his stare on Obi-Wan and waited for an answer.

Obi-Wan was speechless. Anakin’s mother was dead?! How? Why? He then remembered something that Anakin had said.

_Is alright Master, I’ll be with her soon…_

Anakin’s mother had died, and now Anakin was with her. Obi-Wan felt like crying, not only he had failed his Master and his apprentice, now he had failed the kind woman who had entrusted his son to him. He swallowed. “Yes, something happened. Maybe it would be best if you brought your father here too.”

“He is in a doctor’s appointment in Mos Espa, my girlfriend Beru went with him.” He then lifts up his arms. “It’s just me in here, so what you have to say, you can say it now.” He said seriously and took another sip.

This was not how he wanted to break the news of Anakin’s death to his family. He would have preferred to talk with Shmi, but now it was impossible. He now had to say to this man in front of him, that he now didn’t have a stepbrother. “A month ago, an assassination attempt was made on the Senator from Naboo, Padmé Amidala, I believe you met her?” He waited to see if Owen had nodded before continuing. “I and Anakin were assigned to protect her, and while Anakin made sure she was safe, I investigated. What I found was the start of a war and a conspiracy against the Republic on Geonosis. The one behind the assassination attempts and the start of the war, Darth Tyranus, a Sith apprentice, engaged in battle with us when we tried to apprehend him.” He took a deep breath, there was no other way to say it. “He killed Anakin.” He then presented the remains of Anakin’s lightsaber to Owen, the last pieces of his stepbrother.

Owen at first didn’t react “You meant to tell me, that my stepbrother was murdered because someone wanted to start a war?” Obi-Wan didn’t say anything and then Owen started to laugh, strong and desperate laughs that became sobs. Cries for the stepbrother who he will never meet but felt he already knew for the countless times his mother talk about him. Everything was piling up, his mother dead, his father lost a leg and now was sick, they could lose the farm, and his stepbrother was now dead. He had hoped to connect with him, to not let him be alone in their grief for their mother, but Anakin was now with their mother.

Owen made Obi-Wan a strong beverage and the two talked. At some point, Cliegg and Beru had returned and Obi-Wan talked to them too. Cliegg retired to his room shortly after and Beru stayed after helping Cliegg lay down. Obi-Wan recounted some of the more happy moments he had with Anakin, and Owen talked about how Shmi would light up when talking about Anakin. They talked until the suns started to set. Owen then showed Obi-Wan Shmi’s grave and leave him alone to say his goodbyes.

“Hello Shmi, I am Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, we had never met. I was Qui-Gon Jinn’s apprentice.” He kneeled in the sand, warm from the suns, and sat on his ankles. “He had promised you to train Anakin to become a Jedi, but he couldn’t do it. A few days after you met him, a Sith apprentice killed him.” Just remembering caused him pain, more so because it seemed that history repeated itself. “So he made me promise instead, that I would train him, and I did. I have come to love your son as my little brother, and I had sworn that no harm would befall him.” Tears started to fall from his eyes and stain his tunic, some fell on the sand. “And then I failed. And I am here to ask for your forgiveness, for I failed to protect that which was more precious to you and to me.” He felt free saying the words. The Jedi Code, although the core of his belief, this time felt restrictive, not letting him love even those that had passed.

Determination then entered his eyes. “I promise you, that his death won’t be in vain. I won’t fail again. This war will end so your son can rest in peace.” With that, he brought out the pieces of Anakin’s lightsaber, enveloped in the little shirt in which he had met Anakin, and buried it in the sand beside his mother's grave. It felt fitting somehow, that Anakin and his mother were reunited again, even if it was in death.

“You were ibli rah'eni, Anakin. I love you, too.”

And with that, he stood up, shook off the sand from his knees, and walked towards his starfighter. He had a war to end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ibli rah'eni is Dai Bendu for little sibling.
> 
> Dai Bendu is a Jedi language developed by @aroacejoot , @ghostwriterofthemachine , and @loosingletters


	2. Anakin's Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being a Force ghost looked better in the menu.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a lot of thinking, I finally decided how this chapter would be conducted. Hope you don't cry:)
> 
> If you do is ok, I did too while writing it.

Death is often described as the end of everything, a big empty void. No one knows what is after death, even if many speculate. In Tatooine, is regarded as freedom, sometimes from depur, sometimes from the suns and the sands and the harsh life on the planet. What was clear to Anakin, was that he didn’t fear it. He feared the death of others, of course, it was his biggest fear, but he had never thought of his own death. And now, fading away like he was in Obi-Wan’s arms, he could come to one irrefutable conclusion.

Death was weird.

The feeling of slowly turning down and having less and less feeling. He can’t remember exactly what had happened at that moment, and not because he was dead, after all, death was weird, but because he was focused on one thing.

Making Obi-Wan promise that he won’t blame himself.

He remembered the first year of his apprenticeship as one of the hardest, and it wasn’t because of the culture shock and adaptation to another way of life. It was because he had never saw someone blame himself the way Obi-Wan blamed himself. He often saw Obi-Wan brooding in corners, looking miserable and tired, and most importantly, the coldness in his force presence. It wasn’t dark, but it felt like the light reflected of a glacier, cold and biting. He regularly had had to take care of Obi-Wan, making him tea and giving him a hug. After that, the coldness and guilt in Obi-Wan went away only to come back the next day.

Anakin knew, that if he hadn’t been the focus of a promise made to Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan would have probably resented his help. When Obi-Wan mourned _and_ blamed himself, he tended to be sad and tired, and sometimes he forgot to take care of himself. Then, after the sadness, came the coldness. He would be cold against anyone that tried to help him, even Anakin (although Obi-Wan apologized). Anakin was aware that a war was going to start, and that meant he was going to be replaced, even if Obi-Wan didn’t want to. So Anakin had to make sure that the next padawan Obi-Wan has wouldn’t have to deal with the coldness.

So he made sure to pronounce his words carefully, using air he didn’t really had, to make sure Obi-Wan promised to don’t blame himself. He knew Obi-Wan didn’t understand, so he tried pleading with him, calling forth their brotherhood.

But that was the last thing he remembered. An urgent need to make Obi-Wan promise and why, but not much more. He didn’t remember why he was dead, even though he had been on a duel, he couldn’t grasp the two concepts together. Some of his memories felt like smoke, easy to scape between his fingers. Others felt like blinding light, difficult to watch and ignore, but not helpful in remembering. He couldn’t smell or taste or hear or feel. Around him, everything was nothing and everything. He ( _he was he?_ ) was now part of something bigger. ~~He~~ They were now integrated into the threads that made up the universe and held life afloat. Were they even a person? Or was it more of a feeling of self?

It was losing his sense of individuality.

It was they, and they were it.

Everything.

Nothing.

The Force.

A sudden urge.

Of a promise never promised.

And a desire to protect, stronger than death.

Love, for a brother, that drove him ( _him, he was he_ ) to remember. And suddenly, he was he again, and he was a person and his name was Anakin.

Anakin Skywalker, son of Shmi, brother of Obi-Wan.

* * *

After recuperating his sense of self, Anakin floated in nothing for a while. He didn’t know what to do now that he remembered his sense of self again, or how to go back. He knew he couldn’t come back to life, but he had the estrange feeling that he could still take care of people he knew in the living realm. So he tried something that he didn’t want to. He meditated. _Ugh, not even death gets me off meditation_. But if meditation gave him the solutions to get out of this nothingness, he would do it. Now, how to connect with the living?

Anakin meditated for what felt like hours, but time cannot be measured if you are dead, so he wouldn’t know. _This feels more pointless now. We meditated to be in tune with the Force, but now I am part of it, what else could I do?_ But was he really part of the Force? He had been moments ago, but something had made him not go forwards and now he was stuck on some kind of limbo. Is not like he had been given a manual on how to move towards the light. _But you know you have to let go, and you can’t_. Was it that simple? To go to either way, back or fort, he needed to let go? If he moved forward, he had to let go of his self, become one with the Force. _Literally_. But, if he wanted to go back, what does he need to give up?

 _Would the Force even want me? I did, after all, killed an entire village of people_.

Is not like he regret it. But at the same time, he was ashamed of what he had done. His mother would have disapproved, and Padmé had looked scared of him. _Would Obi-Wan still think of me as a brother if he knew?_ Maybe that was the reason he couldn’t go anywhere. _Is not like I can make myself regret it. If I do, then I would have killed an entire village for nothing_. No, not for nothing, they had killed his mother. _But, would she had wanted that? To be avenged? Or to be lived on through her teachings?_ He knew the answer. If he had lungs, he would have sighed, instead he concentrated. He didn’t regret it, not really, but if he could do something to make up for it, a penitence for what he had done.

“Is that what you want? For me to do penitence for a crime I was in my right to do?” He was in the Force, it would have to listen to him even if he had to scream at it for the rest of eternity. He needs to go back, Obi-Wan didn’t promise and he _knew_ he would be suffering, and _that_ , as he had verified, led to the Dark Side. He sometimes felt like Obi-Wan didn’t love him, but he also knew that Obi-Wan could be very reserved with his emotions until they backfired on him. And he didn’t want Obi-Wan to make the same mistake he did. _He wouldn’t do something like that, he wouldn’t destroy an entire village in grief and rage…but he would destroy himself_.

On the other hand, he may be able to be with his mother. And is not like he knew for sure that he would become nothingness. He had felt as he became part of something _more_ , but at the same time, it was like he was just becoming something else, not like he was dissolving, not really. He had just not wanted to continue and find out. But maybe his mother was on the other side, maybe he would be finally reunited with her. He cold hug one more time. _But then Obi-Wan wouldn’t have someone to take care of him_.

Padmé would know what to do. She was smart and wouldn’t have killed an entire village so she wouldn’t be in this mess. He knew she would be fine without him, even if he didn’t want to let her go either. _Maybe if I go back, I could see her again?_ But he knew that was not possible. He was dead, and if he could understand one thing, it was that the living and dead would be separated. _She will move on without me_. The thought left a bitter taste in his mouth…then he remembered that he technically didn’t have a mouth.

 _She would do her duty, she would put others first before her_.

But what was his duty? He was supposed to be the Chosen One, but he always saw that prophecy as more of a myth than anything else. Besides, he wouldn’t be dead if he were the Chosen One, he would be the perfect Jedi Padawan, and he wasn’t. Too emotional, too passionate, too angry. Qui-Gon believed he was the Chosen One because he didn’t have a father and had an exceptional midichlorian count. But a lot of kids on Tatooine didn’t have fathers either, and his midichlorian count could be explained as someone in his ancestors being force sensitive.

Was his duty to fulfill a prophecy that he didn’t believe in? Nah, that would be ridiculous, and if someone was in charge of planning his destiny, they did a poor job of it if he was the Chosen One. Which he wasn’t.

Is not that he didn’t believe in visions of the future, he just didn’t believe in prophecies that sounded too convoluted to be true. _Really, if a child with no father was the only guide their prophecy gave them, then they need to reevaluate the meaning of father_.

There was something he could do, however. He could protect those he left behind. A war had broken out. Padmé, Obi-Wan, his friends, Chancellor Palpatine, all the Jedi, would be in danger. The Sith had started an intergalactic conflict, and even if he didn’t believe the prophecy, others did, and they would feel hopeless. Hopelessness in a person is dangerous. He had seen slaves lose what little hope they had and then die slowly, wasting more and more until they broke. He didn’t want his fellow Jedi to go through that, even if he didn’t sympathize with all of them.

So he needed to go back before he went forward. _Ugh, now I sound like Master Yoda when he is talking in riddles_.

He concentrated on going back, but that didn’t work. He had to believe in protecting those he loved. _Feel, focus on one person to go back_. Someone said to him. And he did, he thought of Padmé, but for how much he claimed to love her, they had just been together a month, a beautiful month, but a month nonetheless. He needed an older connection. _Obi-Wan_.

This time, he started to feel as though he was going somewhere. He felt again how he was becoming one with something else, with the difference that he also was leaving towards _someone_ , as if he was being guided.

He started to feel again.

Light and voices. He remembered Obi-Wan’s voice.

“…tea in a few days…”

It was a faint but familiar voice as if he was hearing it through a very tick wall. He lost the connection. _Come on, remember something about Obi-Wan, no, feel something that reminds you of him_. Not his voice, it was not enough. What had Obi-wan promised to do? Take him to Ilum for a new lightsaber. Maybe that could work.

Cold and nothingness.

No Obi-Wan.

_So Ilum neither. It has to do something more tangible, something that Obi-Wan has done? Like, take care of Qui-Gon’s plants? Green as Naboo…_

“…not feeling well, Dormé, I’ll go back to Naboo…”

This was Padmé! But he lost the connection once more and he got frustrated. _Not something he has done, or that makes me think of Padmé or I will lose focus. I have to go to him…maybe his favorite place? The three in the room of a Thousand Fountains!_

Light and the rustle of leaves.

The smell of greenery and dirt.

Green and reddish-brown.

The old oak from Stewjon that Obi-Wan’s Master had shown Obi-Wan before their first mission. Obi-Wan had told him that story. Surely, if Obi-Wan was going to search peace it would be here? Where he could mourn in peace. Not a lot of people went this side of the room, and the oak provided a lot of hiding places. His favorite thing to do when he was little was climbing the old oak and wait for Obi-Wan to find him. Maybe if looked up there he would…

That was not Obi-Wan.

There was a youngling in the three. A togruta girl that looked too sad.

For a moment, he forgot that he had to find Obi-Wan and he approached the girl. Up close, she had tear tracks on her face. He wanted to cheer her up, but he was dead. She would not see him, but maybe he could still do something. He tried using the force and it was like the first time he tried to move Master Windu’s Starfighter on a dare. With much difficulty, he moved some leaves that tickled her nose and made her laugh and he diverted her attention towards the flower in the oak that insisted on being there even though it was not the season. She looked less sad. She smiled and then, she made visual contact with him. The two startled and she fell of the three and he withdrew.

Mission accomplished (she was no longer sad, maybe a little pained, but not sad), he once again returned to the not-nothingness-that-was-nothingness and thought of another way to contact Obi-Wan. And then it hit him. His Master would insist on being noble and find his mother, to ask forgiveness for something he was not to blame. Honestly, he had taken too long to think of that. _So Tatooine again_. He concentrated on the sand, the heat, _his mother…_

“…Kenobi, we had never met. I was Qui-Gon Jinn’s apprentice…”

There he was! He was so happy to he had finally found his Master he almost didn’t hear what he said next. Or rather, that he was _kneeling in the sand!_

“ _What are you doing? You are going to end up with sand in Force know how many places! Get up! Don’t you know that snakes hide in the sand? Do you want to get bitten?”_ Obi-Wan of course didn’t hear him, but maybe if he approached him he would be able to see him.

“…a Sith apprentice killed him…” And now he hadn’t heard what Obi-Wan was talking about on his mother’s grave. He decided to move away from him a little, to give Obi-Wan privacy. If he knew Obi-Wan, he would not be thrilled to be spied upon, even by ghosts. Besides, his mother would pull his ear if he listened to conversations not meant for him.

He saw Obi-Wan cry and he turned away. Definitely a private moment. He was contemplating going back to the not-nothingness and coming back later when he saw Obi-Wan pulling out his broken lightsaber, the one he thought he had lost the pieces of in the droid factory. _Padmé must have taken them._ That was considerate of his Master, to show something of him to his late mother and. Wait. What was he doing? Obi-Wan was enveloping them in a shirt he swore he had lost a long time ago and he was. No… _NO!_ Obi-Wan was putting his lightsaber in the _sand!_

 _“Don’t you dare bury my lightsaber in the sand, Obi-Wan! You know I hate the stuff! What makes you think that I would love to spend the rest of eternity here? What if I get stuck on this planet because you buried a part of me in here? How would I be able to protect you if I can’t follow you? Are you even listening to me? Of course not, you_ can’t _. well then, I’ll make you see reason!”_ He planted himself in front of him but instead of stopping, Obi-Wan passed through him!

He couldn’t breathe. Well, he really couldn’t, could he? Obi-Wan couldn’t see him, couldn’t hear him, he couldn’t even _sense_ him in the Force! How had that youngling been able to do it but not his Master? Was it because he had made her accidentally see him? Did he now have ghost powers? _Focus, there must be something you can do to make him notice_. He moved some sand, but it was difficult and he only ended up throwing the stuff at Obi-Wan. _See if he liked that. His lightsaber…_ But his Master only put his robe more firmly around himself.

Anakin followed Obi-Wan towards the Lars farm, where he said goodbye and climbed an eopie. Was he going to be able to continue or would he be stuck here? Only one way to find out. And he followed him for what felt like an eternity until they arrived at his ship. It was a good thing he was dead or his feet would have killed him by now.

The ship looked exactly the same, except for the mess. Obi-Wan still had not returned his clothes to the quartermaster. They were going to throw a fit. And the books he had not finished reading because of this mission, he had asked for more time to Master Nu, but now he would have a retard because Obi-Wan would not remember to return them. He shuddered to think how their living quarters were. He looked out the window and felt nostalgia overwhelm him. He now would never see every star in the galaxy.

That’s how he found himself outside the ship and for a moment he panicked, and then remembered he didn’t need air. But then the ship entered hyperdrive and left him there. A void filled his insides. How was he going to follow Obi-Wan now? He didn’t have a ship! He was going to take _ages_ if he tried and swim towards Coruscant. He should have realized that he was intangible, then he wouldn’t have gotten out of the ship!

Desperation clawed at him until it occurred to him. He had no physical body, not really. He looked at his hands. They were not really hands, they were a manifestation of his consciousness, of how he viewed himself. _Well, now I view myself with Obi-Wan_. And then he was once again in the ship.

“ _So I really have force ghost powers, huh?_ ” Obi-Wan, of course, didn’t answer him.

* * *

The trip to Coruscant was filled with discoveries for him. One, he couldn’t be sensed by others, nor Obi-Wan, nor that guard from the fuel station. Two, he could move little things with the Force, but just for a moment, maybe with practice he would improve? Three, to stay with someone he had to _be_ with them, if he lost concentration, he ended up in another place, like when he saw a stale sandwich on the ship, and suddenly he was in a rancid dinner Obi-Wan had stopped to eat. Four, he could go through everything because he was not really there, he was only his soul, not his body. And five, he couldn’t return to the not-nothingness.

He had tried, when he got bored on the ship he decided to return and come back later. The not-nothingness didn’t have, well, _anything_ , but it filled him with a sense of peace he rarely had felt since, _never_. But he couldn’t. He tried thinking of nothing, on making himself disappear, but the only thing he achieved was to leave the interior of the ship again and end up on the inside of a rock. Never again, it was more confusing than the not-nothingness.

He still didn’t understand the teleportation thing. He had tried again to go somewhere else, but nothing happened. It seemed it only worked if he knew where to go or had a strong connection with the place. The more strong the connection the more easily he could go. It was a little weird but useful. What he really wanted to do was talk to Obi-Wan. However, he couldn’t make himself visible enough to be seen, let alone sensed.

He sighed, if he was going to be trapped in a cockpit with a sad Obi-Wan he would at least make him take care of himself. He tried to call his attention waving his arms in front of Obi-Wan and he grew so frustrated he punched his arm through Obi-Wan’s face. _At least I can relieve stress this way_. After a lot of failed attempts, he huffed and scowled at the electric stove that he had insisted on putting on the ship. No way was he going to eat rations all the trip, he had told Obi-Wan. If only he could use it now.

Something was burning.

He technically had no nose, but he could perceive smells. It was a ghost thing he was sure, but the thing is. Something was burning in the stove. He approached the stove to see inside the pot Obi-Wan always forgot to put away in the cupboard and he noticed two things: one, the pot _really_ needed a scrub, and two, the stove was turned _off_. The pot stopped burning after he approached it, but the smell drew Obi-Wan from whatever dark swamp his mind always went to when feeling defeated.

He put the pot away and Anakin gave him space so he would not pass through him again. “Why is it burning? Anakin! I told you to stop messing around with the-!” And just like that, any energy Obi-Wan had gathered evaporated and he returned to sit and stare at space. Anakin hated seeing him like that. He had returned to take care of Obi-Wan, but the task was harder than he had thought. He decided to sit beside his Master and wait until they arrived to Coruscant. The journey may be long, but not long enough that Obi-Wan would die of hunger.

“ _I wish you could hear me, Master. I don’t blame you for my death, so why should you blame yourself?”_ They had never been good at communication, but they had made a point of always try and tell the other if something was bothering them, even if in the last years he had distanced himself from Obi-Wan. The Chancellor said that it was natural, a part of growing up was to question your parents and authority figures. It still made him feel guilty when he withdrew his feelings and stopped talking with him. If he had known that their time together was going to end, maybe he would have spent more time with Obi-Wan, listened more. _”Our time was short, but I know you tried to raise me as best as you could, and that I was sometimes difficult to understand.”_

He wanted to cry. He felt so helpless, he couldn’t even talk with Obi-Wan! How was he going to fulfill his task if he couldn’t be sensed? He would forever stay outside of the afterlife and never see his mother again! He was going to be trapped here as a ghost that no one could see, or sense in the force! He will end alone, watching as his Master wasted away because he didn’t have a sense of self-preservation.

Even if he technically didn’t have eyes with which to make tears, Anakin lulled himself to sleep crying.

* * *

Anakin woke up on the floor next to the pilot’s chair. Obi-Wan was not there. For a moment, he forgot he was not dead, that he could interact with everyone and everything in the living plane. _“Obi-Wan? What are you doing? Who is piloting the ship?”_ He stood up from the floor. He felt weirdly refreshed for being asleep on the floor. He didn’t feel any pain in his neck or his back, he would go so far as to say he had never felt so rested in, _never_. _I must have been more tired than I thought_.

He searches the ship and finds Obi-Wan eating a too old ration bar. _“Obi-Wan, this ration bar is from ten years ago”_ He looks at the little Jedi draw in the wrapping. It looks familiar. _“They don’t use this drawing anymore!”_ Obi-Wan seems like he has aged ten more years, he has bags under his eyes and is using the same tunic from Tatooine. He still had sand in his hair. _He seems upset about something… "Obi-Wan, are you alright? Is just, I have the feeling you are not fine today and I can’t remember why. Do you want tea? You always say a nice cup of tea helps to lift the spirit of any civilized being!”_ Obi-Wan doesn’t pay him attention, he does not even glance in his direction. That hurts, since he was twelve, they had this policy of at least looking at someone when you are upset and they are talking to you. He sometimes doesn’t obey it, but Obi-Wan had never deliberately ignored him. _“Are you even listening to me?”_ And then he tries and fails to throw the wrapping of the ration bar.

He stares at it. With his gaze on the wrapping, he starts to remember everything, from the fight with Dooku to the not-nothingness to the night before, when he had tried to take care of Obi-Wan. _That explains why I don’t feel tired after sleeping on the floor._ He decides to ignore the voice at the back of his head that asks why he slept if he is a ghost. The feelings from last night haunt him _~~Ha! Haunt him!~~_ If there only was a way for him to be at least heard…Obi-Wan starts to sob. He is looking at the little Jedi in the wrapping and then Anakin remembers why it was so familiar. When he was a Padawan they had made a drawing contest because they wanted to cheer the Jedi that had to go on long missions. The winning drawing would go to the wrapping on the ration bars. His caricature of Obi-Wan beardless had won. He turns to see Obi-Wan and when he can’t stand the sound of his sobs anymore, he goes to the cockpit.

_If I find someone that can hear me, I am going to ask them to hide everything that reminds Obi-Wan how much he likes to punish himself._

At least according to the map on the console, they were going to drop out of hyperspace and arrive at Coruscant in half an hour. Someone at the Temple would be able to help him. Someone will be able to sense him or hear him or see him and they will help. Someone _must_. Maybe the Council can see him. They are supposed to be the best Jedi Masters in the Order so that meant they were the more attuned to the Force, and right now, he was _technically_ the Force. He would have to wait then.

…

Waiting was boring.

He wonders what will happen once he fulfilled his promise to protect his loved ones. Would he have to wait until all of them died? Would they be ghosts just like himself, or would they go forward? Would he have to exist for _years_ without been heard, seen, or sensed? _Alone?_ Would Obi-Wan last the war? What if he was too grief-stricken to defend himself properly and was killed? What of Padmé? She always raised her voice against injustice, and war was the biggest injustice there ever was. Would Count Dooku try and finish what he had contracted Jango Fett to do? He was never going to live happily with her, never kiss her again, never marry her or have a family with her. She was not Force-sensitive, if she died, would they be even able to be together? Did the Force admit non-Force-sensitive people? He didn’t even apologize for leaving her in the sand when they were chasing down Dooku. Granted, it was an emergency, but still.

He would be able to hear her, but never talk with her or hold her. Never to comfort her at night after a nightmare, when she sometimes remembers the worst attempts at murder. They’ll never enjoy the sun on their skin together after swimming at the lake on Theed. He will never be able to make her smile or ask her about her work. She would never direct one of those passionate speeches about Democracy and why it was important that the power isn’t on just one person. They would never gaze at each other with love in their eyes and love in every cell of their beings.

 _Aaand I am going to become crazy because I can only be with my thoughts, I should go to Obi-Wan, at least then I would not feel so alone._ He took heart in the fact that even if he couldn’t do anything, at least he could be there for Obi-Wan. He did _not_ want to spiral like that again. It was enough to be dead, he didn’t need to add depression to his non-life.

* * *

They arrived quickly to the surface of Coruscant, but instead of going to the Temple like he thought they would, Obi-Wan directed them to the Senate building. _Maybe the Council gave him a mission while I was sleep and that is why he was eating?_ But if it was a diplomatic mission, Obi-Wan looked awfully unprepared for it: his hair was a mess, his robes dirty and sandy, and he still had a stain in the front of his robe from the caf he had made himself on the ship. Just looking at Obi-Wan made him feel self-conscious, and he used to have grease stains on oil stains. _Oh no, I will forever have this ridiculous padawan haircut._ Forget the loneliness, the haircut was the worst thing of being dead.

They took the turbolift and went up, up, up to a familiar office. When Obi-Wan knocked on the door, the Chancellor was waiting for him. _Does he have a mission from the Chancellor?_ They took their seats, or in Anakin’s case, he just stood there awkwardly, and then Palpatine ordered his secretary if they could bring them tea, please? They sat there in silence.

It was not a comfortable silence.

The air felt heavy, sad, and cold. Outside it started to rain. Obi-Wan was just looking at his cup of tea, looking older and defeated. Anakin remembered that tea, he always drank it in his visits to the Chancellor. He had told Palpatine he liked strong black tea instead of the soft, sweet one Obi-Wan preferred. It was weird, he was the one with a sweet tooth, but Obi-Wan was the one who liked the sweet teas. He was going to miss the flavor and companionship. They used to sometimes, on rainy days, sit in front of one of the windows in the Room of a Thousand Fountains and bring warm water and tea, and sweets in a napkin from Healer Bant, who always had a pastry for him. They just sat in front of the window and drank their tea, observing the drops of rain fall and run in the glass. It was his favorite method of meditation.

A tear escaped Obi-Wan’s eyes. “Did you know, Chancellor Palpatine that Anakin’s favorite form of meditation was to drink tea while watching the rain? It sounds unusual, I know, and that is because I created the method so he would have another form of meditation besides moving or tinkering. Sometimes, is good to be still” Another tear escaped, this one fell on the tea. “But even then, he was not still, he never was. He used to trace the raindrops with his fingers against the window, and, if there was a leak, he would stand underneath and wait for the drop to fall and direct it with the Force.” He took a shuddering breath. A sob escaped. “He liked to play with the rain.” After that, he started to sob and his cup of tea fell, the carpet saving the porcelain.

Palpatine stood from his chair and, carefully, enveloped Obi-Wan in a hug. “I too, miss him.” Obi-Wan sobbed, if possible, harder, and returned the hug with the force of a drowned man. Anakin had never seen his Master so devastated. He felt like an intruder in a too personal moment, so he left them alone. He was not sure what could happen if he went too far from Obi-Wan, so he went through the door to wait outside.

If he had waited a little longer, he would have been confused at the sight scheming smile of his old friend.

* * *

The morale at the Jedi Temple was low, and that a Padawan had been murdered in the conflict, gave the new fountain in the Room of a Thousand Fountains a sad feeling. Younglings were seen as the hope and future of the Order, and when they became Padawans they were told that they were starting to build the future in which the next generations of Younglings would become Padawans. The Jedi Order valued their young, and when one of them was killed, the currents of possible futures in the Force felt darker, murkier. They were taught that death was a natural part of life, they were more than flesh, and one day they had to return their light to the Force. But killing was not a natural end to life, and that so many Jedi had been killed at once gave the Force a mourning feeling that was felt even in the lower levels of Coruscant.

The Jedi Order had a tradition. Every time a massacre occurred where the Jedi were involved, a new fountain was made to remember them and honor their life. It was said that the fountains were a way to bring back a little of the light that was stolen. In the history of the Jedi Order, there had been a lot of conflicts, and the death of their members was commemorated by planting a tree or flower native of the planet of origin of the dead or killed Jedi. But fountains were different. A new fountain always meant that a conflict hadn’t had a good ending, that it had led to more violence, that Jedi had been killed, and that their Order had been unable to protect them. They hadn’t had a fountain in _centuries_.

Aayla remembered the first time Master Vos had brought her here. When she was a youngling, the crèchemaster had never brought them to the Room of a Thousand Fountains, telling them it was a place that deserved their respect and that, although tempting, they shouldn’t play there. They still played there ‑‑‑ there are always ways of escaping the crèche ‑‑‑ but never made too loud noises. Master Vos had told her why when he brought her.

“ _We need to be able to listen to their echoes so that they can pass the wisdom of the past and we don’t repeat the same mistakes.”_ She had asked why there were so many fountains. He had been quiet for a moment, unusually serious, thinking over his answer. “ _There are people with selfish intentions in the world. And sometimes, their selfishness extinguishes the light of someone.”_ He had then sat on the floor with her in front of the fountain that had the shape of a tree. _As Jedi, is our honor and sacrifice to keep the peace, and, sometimes, that means our life is cut short.“_ He had taken her hand in his, before telling her the sad truth. _“When a conflict turns off too many of the lives in the Jedi Order, we remember them by making a fountain in their memory. So a little of their light can still illuminate our path”. “Don’t we have to let go?” “Letting go is not the same as forgetting, Aayla. Letting go means we can remember them without trying to live in the past with them.” “Why do we have the fountains, if they have a sad meaning?”_ Master Vos had smiled at her. _“Because the fountain means that the conflict ended eventually and that there is always hope of a better future.”_

That day she had seen a more serious side of her Master ‑‑‑ former Master, she has to remember she was knighted a few days ago ‑‑‑ emerge. She wonders, if now that they are witnesses to the placement of a new fountain in the middle of war if he thinks the same now.

The new fountain is beautiful. It has three platforms, one in the ground and two suspended in the air (Anakin would have told her _how_ , magnetic effect or something) and on the tip, a crystal rose with a metallic base that was suspended too in the air. The two suspended silver platforms were decorated with golden engravings that signified the currents of the Force, and from the border the water fell like a curtain. The base of the rose had little luminescent balls that in the night would shine blue like fire, and the flow of the water at the top was slow enough that it looked like the water was the one making the petals. But what really was captivating Aayla’s attention were the flowers on top of each platform.

On the base there were aura blossoms, bioluminescent flowers that would give the fountain an exquisite view at night. And then there were the memorial flowers. There were close to two hundred species of flowers, each native to the planet of origin belonging to one of the Jedi killed in the battle of Geonosis and there were some vormur too, one for each clone trooper that had been killed. Anakin’s flower was a rare Tatooinian flower, blue with a white center. It suited him. Some queen’s heart surrounds them, and Aayla wondered if they were a gift from Senator Amidala.

Master Yoda had commed her concerned. “Too much grief, Master Kenobi feels. Lost if not guided, fear I do he will.” He had asked her to come back to the Temple, taking advantage of the end of her mission to stay for a few days and talk with Obi-Wan. She too was concerned. He was like a second Master to her, Master Vos often joked that Obi-Wan was her real Master and he just teaches her how to have fun. Anakin and she could often be found in the other’s apartment. She missed him.

She found Master Kenobi in front of Anakin’s flower.

“He would have loved this fountain. We used to meditate here, in this room. He loved flowers, said they were colorful miracles.” Obi-Wan looked tired, his posture defeated and eyes vacant. Aayla then knew that nothing she said would get him out of his self-inflicted guilt. She would keep him company and listen then. She pointed at the queen’s hearts. “He would have loved the flowers Senator Amidala gave him in thanks for protecting her.”

“He would have gone on a rant on how the fountain worked.” They chuckled. It was nice to remember those little things that made Anakin, _Anakin_. “I wonder, if I had been strong enough, would I have been able to save him?”

Aayla hug him and sobbed. “I miss him! He was my best friend.” They stood like that a little and then they separated. She dried her tears. Anakin always said that they were a waste of water, and she always replied they were not water but emotions. _“Jedi don’t have emotions. Could you imagine Master Windu smiling?”_ She always punched him after that lame joke. _“Of course we have! If we didn’t you wouldn’t be so grumpy!”_

“I wish he were here too.”

* * *

_“I am here.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Vormur flowers are a kind of Mandalorian flower that characterizes as smelling beautiful.
> 
> You can ripe plant-loving Anakin from my cold dead hands.

**Author's Note:**

> Next we'll see what Palpatine is up too and how Padmé is dealing with the war.


End file.
